To think depression is something caused by factors beyond your control is downright depressing. Yet that is what many people believe, including some in the medical and mental health fields. Although in some cases medical problems do cause depression, the vast majority of depression is fortunately within your own control. If, however, after you try the suggestions in this book, you still feel depressed, I would encourage you to see a counselor or a physician.
Depression, like any other emotion, is usually the body's natural response to what is going on in the mind--whether consciously or unconsciously--as well as the body's response to how a person is eating, sleeping, and in general, living. Being in a world with so many unpleasant things such as illness, death, war, violent crime, hunger, broken homes, and homelessness, it can be difficult not to feel discouraged or depressed at times. Millions do everyday.
I learned more about depression from something my wife, Shelly, said to me than from all my school work and reading combined. I was in graduate school and we had just moved to Provo, Utah, to begin a very competitive doctoral program at Brigham Young University. We had been married for just two months and I started a job as a school counselor in a local district. I also received a Church leadership position. Soon feeling overwhelmed, I began to doubt my abilities as a husband, student, church leader, school counselor, and so forth. It did not take long for me to feel depressed.
For the first two days, Shelly did everything she could to encourage me and help me feel better. She even made my favorite dinners but to no avail. The next morning, she lovingly did something that taught me a great lesson. She asked if I was going to be depressed that night. Her question irritated me. She was implying I had some control over how I was feeling. Obviously, it was my circumstances, not me, that was causing me to feel depressed (or so I thought). I told her I did not know how I would be feeling in the evening.
I came home that night, after a long day at school and work, feeling pretty crummy. After another nice dinner, she asked me again, "Are you going to be depressed tonight?" I tried to explain as nicely as I could that I did not like the way I was feeling either, but I could not help it. She then gently indicated she would take care of her activities in another part of the house and leave me to myself (a rather unpleasant thought) until I was feeling better.
Even though I could not argue with her reasoning (I knew I was not very good company), I still felt hurt and a little resentful. But something happened to me. I began to review my options: Stay depressed and my wife does not want to be around me, or somehow climb out of my pit of depression and once again enjoy the company of my wife. It was as if a light turned on. Somewhere in the unconscious resources of the mind, solutions began to come to me. I could see light at the end of the tunnel and although I did not suddenly feel great, I was beginning to feel better. Shelly was surprised to see me so soon, when I went and gave her a big hug.
Despite being in a doctoral program studying about emotional problems and solutions, I fell prey to the popular myth that you can be rendered helpless against depression. Fortunately, I was given the opportunity to learn that you can have more power over depression than is popularly believed. Over the years, I have seen hundreds of people choose to become free from the grasp of depression after having believed circumstances or chemicals beyond their control were responsible.
There are ten common barriers that interfere with successfully dealing with depression. By identifying and removing the barriers getting in your way, you will be in a better position to minimize, and eventually control, depression.
GO TO:
Barrier 1:
Self-defeating goals
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