Summary

A brief summary of key principles and actions, necessary to resolve unsatisfactory intimacy is provided.

KEY PRINCIPLES

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• Sex is easy. Intimacy, though, is more involved.

   

• The central feature of intimacy is not emotional or physical; it is commitment.

   

• When intimacy is fully developed or restored, sexual difficulties tend to disappear.

   

• Emotional discomfort, whether fear or dissatisfaction, is usually a healthy indicator suggesting that something with you, your spouse, and your relationship would benefit from some attention and improvement.

   

• Although problems with intimacy can affect feelings of self-worth, the fact of your inherent, God-given worth remains unchanged.

   

• Sexual intimacy is like the frosting on a well-baked cake, with all the essential ingredients in it. If an essential ingredient of the cake is missing, sexual intimacy is unlikely to be satisfying.

KEY ACTIONS

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• If your marriage is not more important to you than any other relationship, activity or possession (except your relationship with the Lord), reevaluate your priorities.

   

• Rather than attempting to control feelings, including sexual desire, work on controlling your thoughts and actions, thereby affecting how you feel.

   

• Respectfully discuss with your spouse the meaning that each of you attaches to sexual intimacy.

   

• Be careful not to base your self-esteem or personal security on sexual activity or the lack thereof.

   

• Make a list of the satisfactory aspects of your marriage. See if anything you consider absolutely essential is missing. If so, examine yourself, and if appropriate, discuss it with your spouse.

   

• Make sure you are getting sufficient food, exercise, and sleep--otherwise, you will not have enough energy for intimacy.

   

• Only participate in sexual intimacy when both of you feel good about it.

  Reminder: Be sure to review the Central Principles section. Identify the principle(s) not effectively being utilized. Then take the appropriate steps to apply the principle(s).