Barrier 3
Difficulty Distinguishing
Feelings from Facts
COMMON
INDICATORS
- Thoughts:
- "I am a
feeling person. Going against my
feelings would be dishonest. So
when I am afraid to go outside, I
do not leave my house."
- Feelings:
- Volatile and
conflicting.
- Actions:
- Debating with
self, disregarding important
facts.
GENERAL
INFORMATION
Just
as instruments in an automobile provide
essential information for safe driving,
feelings provide necessary information
for making wise, sensitive, and rational
decisions. For example, if your head--and
the objective facts--say you are
reasonably healthy and safe while your
heart is pounding rapidly, it is
generally better to rely on your head.
Important decisions are best made with
90% head and 10% heart.
Key point:
No matter how strong feelings may be,
they cannot change the facts.
STEPS TO
REMOVING THE BARRIER
1.
Make more objective and sensitive
decisions, by taking the following
actions:
- Take several 3x5
cards, write down the two
important principles below:
- Important
decisions are best made
with 90% head and 10%
heart.
Feelings
do not change facts.
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- Place the cards
where you can see them at least a
dozen times a day (on your
refrigerator, T.V., bathroom
mirror, or visor of your
automobile).
- Whenever you find
your head and heart in conflict,
let the conflict act as a trigger
to remind you to repeat to
yourself the words on the cards.
- Say
to yourself:
- "Important
decisions are best made
with 90% head and 10%
heart. Feelings don't
change facts."
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- To increase your
understanding of these two
principles, discuss them with
others
2.
Make a list of past, present, or
potential situations where your head and
heart are not in total agreement. Note:
The fewer such situations, the happier
and more at peace you will be.
Examples:
- The fact
that you have a healthy body is
not changed because you feel
like you are going to die.
- The fact
that you have inherent worth is
not changed because you feel
worthless.
- The fact
that someone has had too much to
drink is not changed because he feels
he can drive safely.
- The fact
that you have certain skills is
not changed because you feel
inadequate.
3.
For each situation you wish to resolve in
which your head and heart are in
conflict, take a piece of paper and draw
a vertical line down the center. On one
side of the line write down all the
pertinent facts that come to mind.
4.
On the other side of the line write down
your feelings. If there are any feelings
not supported by facts, place a big
question mark by those feelings. For
example, your heart is medically healthy
yet sometimes you feel you are having a
heart attack; or you have a college
degree yet you feel unintelligent. As a
result you are now in a better position
to objectively and sensitively think
about your situation.
For
addition information, please see Core
Principle 3: "Feelings versus
Facts."
GO TO:
Next barrier: Basing
Personal Security On Feeling Calm
Previous barrier:
Fighting To Control Anxiety
Anxiety Chapter Overview
Copyright @ John R.
Fishbein, Ph.D. 2000 All Rights
Reserved
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