Barrier 2
Depressed About
Feeling Depressed
COMMON
INDICATORS
- Thoughts:
- "I must be
pretty messed up to be feeling
this way." "I shouldn't
be feeling this way."
"I hate feeling
depressed."
- Feelings:
- Lethargic, numb,
stuck. Sinking deeper into
depression.
- Actions:
- Increasing
withdrawal from people and
activity. A lot of thinking and
little action.
GENERAL
INFORMATION
Depression
is like emotional quicksand. The more you
struggle and fight to get out of it, the
deeper you sink. One reason you may get
stuck feeling depressed is that you do
not realize there are two levels or
layers of depression.
Layer
One: The initial feelings
of depression everyone experiences from
time to time. They last anywhere from a
few minutes to a few hours. This level is
like initially stepping into quicksand.
Layer
Two: Depressed about
feeling depressed. You sink to this level
as a result of the understandable, though
counterproductive, reaction of doing
battle with your feelings.
Example:
Brad, a successful attorney, had lost the
zest for life he once enjoyed. He was
going through the motions of living
without feeling the emotion. He was
successful at work but personally
unhappy. For several months he balked at
his wife's observations concerning him.
He insisted he was fine. He was
impeccably rational and certainly did not
have any emotional problems. When he
finally--and reluctantly--came to see me,
it was readily apparent he considered
himself too bright to be as miserable as
he was. Not only was he initially
embarrassed to feel the way the rest of
us feel on occasion, he was severely
condemning himself for feeling depressed.
Before
he could begin making the personal
improvements preliminary to feeling
better, it was necessary for him to
overcome depressing himself about feeling
depressed.
Key Point:
Before you can begin climbing out of
the pit, it is necessary to first
learn to acknowledge and give
yourself permission to feel pure,
unadulterated depression, without
making things worse by fighting and
resisting the unpleasant feelings.
STEPS TO
REMOVING THE BARRIER
- Notice what you
say to yourself in response to
feeling depressed.
Depressing
thought: I can't stand
feeling this way.
Better: I
don't like feeling this way.
Depressing
thought: There's no reason
for me to feel this way.
Better:
There is some reason, even if it
isn't rational.
Depressing
thought: What an idiot I am
for feeling so depressed when I
should be thankful for so much.
Better:
You don't have to be an idiot to
feel depressed--everybody feels
that way sometimes.
- Remind yourself
that before you can start to make
improvements necessary to feeling
better, it is essential to first acknowledge
and accept the temporary
fact that you are feeling
depressed. Say to yourself,
"I am currently feeling
depressed, despite my strongest
and most sincere desires to the
contrary. The unpleasant fact is,
I'm not only feeling depressed
about . . . , I'm also feeling
depressed about feeling
depressed."
Result:
By repeating this statement over
and over, you will more rapidly
eliminate the second layer of
feeling depressed.
- If you are not
yet finished being depressed
about being depressed, give
yourself some guidelines for
dealing with feeling depressed.
Set up a limited time and space
to focus on depression. Decide on
a special place you will go to
think about feeling depressed
such as the bathroom, an old
chair, or a storage room. Give
yourself a time limit, and strive
to limit your depressing thoughts
about depression to your special
place and time.
Example:
A friend of mine has what she
calls a pity party. She invites
herself and a large bag of M
& M's to a secret party in
her bedroom. Although normally
conscious of health and fitness,
she nevertheless has her special
little party on occasions when
she gets down on herself about
feeling down. Then she gets going
again, back on track, doing the
kind of things she knows will
eventually lead to feeling
better. Whenever she is tempted
to feel sorry for herself, she
just thinks of her pity-party,
knowing she has already done
enough of that.
Caution:
Regular pity-parties with or
without food are not conducive to
good physical or mental health.
Nor is a pity-party advised for
severe or chronic depression.
- Rather than
viewing depression as an enemy,
begin thinking of it as an
irritating siren, warning you to
take corrective action. Your
challenge is to discover what
that action is and then to take
it.
- Key
Point:
Depression, like physical
pain or the making of
mistakes, usually
provides opportunity for
learning and growth,
albeit unpleasantly.
- Seek to discover
the meaning and potential
value--not necessarily the
cause--of the unpleasant
feelings. Ask yourself, "How
can I benefit from these
feelings? Is the pain suggesting
I do something differently? If
so, what shall I do better?
- If you are stuck
feeling depressed about feeling
depressed, be patient. Look
forward to simply experiencing
pure, unadulterated feelings of
depression (just the initial
feelings of depression) without
depressing yourself about feeling
depressed. Then you will be able
to better get on with the
business of doing something
constructive, leading to feeling
better.
GO TO:
Next barrier: Difficulty
Distinguishing Thoughts and Feelings From
Facts
Previous barrier:
Self-defeating Goals
Depression Chapter
Overview
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