Barrier 6
Difficulty Distinquishing
Between What You Can and Cannot Control
COMMON
INDICATORS
- Thoughts:
- "I've got to
get him to change, but I
can't." "I have to do
something, but I can't."
- Feelings:
- Helpless,
trapped, out of control.
- Actions:
- Non-productive
activity. Wasting time on less
important activities.
GENERAL
INFORMATION
Using
mental and physical energy trying to
control things or people that cannot
really be controlled is equivalent to
trying to blow up a balloon with a hole
in it. No matter how hard you try,
nothing happens: you just get tired. The
brain does not automatically distinguish
between what you can control versus what
you cannot control. So if you are
determined to control something you
cannot in fact control, your mind will
nevertheless keep searching for a
solution--even though none is available.
A mother who cares deeply for her
children, for instance, may try so hard
to help her children succeed, she dwells
upon and worries about things she cannot
control. This results a depressing drain
on the brain, the body, and the
relationship.
-
- Myth:
Caring means you are responsible
for other's success and feelings.
If you do not do what someone
wants you to do it means you do
not care.
- Fact: A
distinct difference exists
between responsibly caring for
someone and carrying their
responsibilities. You may, in
fact, care compassionately and
responsibly, despite another's
feelings to the contrary. Remember,
just because someone thinks you
do not care, their thoughts and
feelings do not make it so.
Whether
dealing with people or things,
distinguishing what you can control from
what you cannot control allows you to use
your energy and resources in a healthy
and productive manner.
STEPS TO
REMOVING THE BARRIER
Please
see Core
Principle 4: What You Can Control Versus
What You Cannot Control.
GO TO:
Next barrier: Asking
Questionable Questions
Previous barrier:
Believing Life "should" be ...
Depression Chapter
Overview
|
|
