Barrier 7
Asking
Questionable Questions
COMMON
INDICATORS
- Thoughts:
- "Why . . .
?"
- Feelings:
- Optimistic about
a new answer/solution, only to be
disappointed.
Frustrated
about not being able to find a
satisfactory answer.
- Actions:
- Endlessly
searching for answers.
GENERAL
INFORMATION
Questions,
like goals, set the course your mind
follows. Everyday we ask ourselves dozens
of questions, with the answers
determining our priorities and
activities. From mundane questions such
as, "What shall I have for
breakfast?" to value-based questions
such as, "Is it more important to
stay at the office an extra hour or to go
home?" Some questions lead to
constructive action--often solving or
preventing problems--while other
questions create problems and interfere
with solutions.
- Example: I
was the sixth therapist whom
Doris consulted over the last ten
years regarding her feelings of
depression. She sobbed as she
told me of the years of cruelty
from her husband and the
loneliness she had felt since her
divorce. I asked her what she
wanted to accomplish. She
explained she needed some
questions answered before she
could overcome feeling depressed,
namely, "Why am I feeling so
depressed?" Thus far, ten
years of therapy had failed to
bring her answers and relief.
- I responded by
asking her whether she was more
interested in finding out why she
was feeling depressed or in
finding out how to live a more
satisfactory life. I explained
that the question of
"Why," was leading her
on a speculative, theoretical,
wild goose chase. Despite good
intentions, her efforts were
unwittingly creating barriers.
Once she changed her question
from "Why do I feel so
bad?" to "How can I
feel better?" her
perspective changed. She then
began to discover answers to her
questions and the relief she was
seeking.
The
more time you spend searching for answers
to upsetting or depressing
questions--whether or not you find
satisfactory answers--the more depressed
you are apt to feel. By carefully
evaluating the type of questions you are
asking yourself, rather than
automatically searching for answers, you
will be able to identify and eliminate
counterproductive questions.
STEPS TO
REMOVING THE BARRIER
- Examine the
questions you are asking, whether
to yourself or to others. Are
they leading to answers that will
help you progress? If not, cease
asking such questions. Instead,
Ask questions that lead to
practical solutions and actions.
Examples:
Questionable
question: Who am I?
Better:
What do I want to accomplish?
Questionable
question: Am I worthwhile?
Better:
What worthwhile things I can do?
Questionable
question: "Does he love
me?"
Better:
Either ask him directly or drop
the question.
Questionable
question: "Why is life
so difficult?"
Better:
What are my options now? What
shall I do?
- Notice whether
your questions focus on past,
present, or future. Formula for
success: 90% attention on the
present, 10% on past or future.
- Notice whether
your questions focus on what you
are doing or on what you are
feeling. Formula for success: 90%
attention on what you are doing,
10% attention on what you are
feeling.
- Consider how
effectively you use the
"Why" question
("Why am I feeling this way?
Why is life so difficult?").
Does it lead you to do something
constructive? If not, Ask
yourself why you are asking
yourself, "Why?" Some
common reasons: It is easier to
ask why than to take action, or
it may be an unconscious way of
complaining. If so, you can help
yourself correct that habit by
referring to the excessive use of
"Why" as "Whyning."
Instead of asking
"why," try asking
yourself:
| "What
are my options?" or,
What
shall I do next?"
|
Key
Point: Excessive
self-analysis leads to paralysis.
GO TO:
Next barrier:
Questionable Nutritional, Sleep, and
Exercise Habits
Previous barrier:
Difficulty Distinguishing What You Can
and Cannot Control
Depression Chapter
Overview
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