Introduction To
Emotional First Aid
For
years I resisted invitations to write a
self-help book because I did not believe
it would have much lasting value to the
reader. Most people read such a book once, then put it
on the bookshelf to gather dust. However, my wife,
Shelly, suggested I do something along the lines
of a first-aid book--an emotional
first-aid book--one to which people could
refer from time-to-time as needed.
This
book is designed to be used the same way
you use your medical first-aid book. You
refer to it periodically when you have a
problem to be solved or when you just
want more information about a particular
concern. You may turn to it for your own
needs or to help a loved one or friend.
It is a reference book.
In
preparation for writing an emotional
first aid book, I made a list of the
common problems people brought to me in
my private counseling practice. These
became the topics I have addressed. This
volume contains four of those common
concerns: Communication Difficulties,
Depression, Unsatisfactory Intimacy, and
Anxiety Attacks.
This
book is patterned, to the best of my
ability, after the same approach I use in
my office. As I wrote, I tried to
anticipate and respond to your concerns
just as if we were talking face to face.
If you and I were personally discussing a
problem--concerning yourself or someone
else--I would provide you with practical,
problem solving principles and specific
steps to apply the principles. Your
questions would receive immediate and
direct answers. We would identify
barriers interfering with solving the
problem and then come up with steps to
remove the barriers.
Eight
Principles for Personal and Relationship
Success
I
find that underlying just about every
personal problem is the violation of some
basic principle. These principles are
like the roots that support and feed a
beautiful tree. When the roots are strong
and unobstructed, the tree bears good
fruit. When the tree is bearing some
undesirable fruit, the problem and,
therefore, the solution, is usually found
in the roots.
Most
everyone I see has a generally well
developed, healthy root system. Among all
the healthy roots, however, there are
sometimes one or two roots which are
undeveloped or obstructed by some
barrier. I approach personal problem
solving by identifying the roots that
need strengthening and the barriers that
need removing. Then, rather than hacking
at the branches of a problem, we focus on
the root of the problem--understanding
and applying correcting principles.
The
type of counseling I do could be referred
to as principle-centered counseling. I
have identified eight principles that are
central to solving personal problems.
Although these are not intended to
represent all principles that apply to
solving personal problems, they are the
ones I find most useful.
From
the first moment I talk with a client, I
am looking to see what principles they
are effectively or ineffectively
utilizing. Once we identify a principle
that is not fully understood or
effectively being used, I suggest
specific steps to better understand and
apply that principle. By strengthening
the roots (core principles) and removing
barriers, you can effectively prevent and
solve many personal problems.
Even
though you may not be applying a core
principle effectively in one area of your
life, you may be applying it effectively
in another area. For instance, at work or
with friends you may clearly distinguish
between what you can control versus what
you cannot control (Core Principle 4), while
with a family member you may
inadvertently try to control someone or
something that is not within your
control.
During
a counseling session, as well as in this
book, I take an active role in teaching
principles and suggesting practical
applications. I find when I teach correct
principles people naturally tend to
govern themselves more effectively. As
you increase your understanding and
application of correct principles, you
will discover exciting possibilities for
personal progress.
Barriers
To Solving Problems
Another
key aspect of the counseling I do
pertains to identifying and removing
barriers blocking the pathway to success.
If, despite your best effort to solve a
problem, you are not getting anywhere,
there is probably something getting in
your way. Unless those barriers are
identified and removed, your continued
effort is apt to feel like hitting your
head against a wall or going in circles.
I suggest specific, practical steps to
remove these barriers. As barriers are
removed, you become free to fully use
your own vast resources and potential to
solve the problem.
Some
Final Words
I
have made occasional references to my own
faith in God in this book. I have the
utmost respect for each person's beliefs
and encourage you to consider the
information in this book in light of your
own experiences and beliefs.
For
ease of writing "he" is
respectfully used to refer to a person
without any specific reference to a man
or woman.
Like
any first-aid book, this book is not
designed to be a substitute for those
already involved with, or needing,
professional help. Nor is it intended to
provide a comprehensive treatment
program. It can, however, be used as a
valuable resource for those currently
receiving counseling. I trust you will
find this to be a practical, uplifting
book that will provide you with hope and
help as you approach concerns common to
all of us. A wise prophet said, "All
people, regardless of their background or
circumstances, are capable of improving
themselves." I know you can do it.
I
wish you my best.
John
R. Fishbein, Ph.D.
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